NO SHIT SHERLOCK

Have you had a trip or fall?
Watching TV and you get a cold call,
These arseholes make me
Want to scream or bawl
No shit Sherlock!
The sun can do damage to your eye
Take out insurance for when you die,
Don't forget your passport
Whenever you fly....
No shit Sherlock!
Put on antiseptic for your cuts
Read the small print, no ifs or buts,
This walnut cream gateau
May contain nuts
No shit Sherlock!
Go to the loo, now wash your hands
Make you sit when you're in a stand,
Respect the local customs
When in a foreign land.....
No shit Sherlock!
Pointless signs within easy reach
Yards to the sand, it says "To the beach"
It's said that those who can't do
Try to teach....
No shit Sherlock!
Don't do that and you can't do this
Stupid regulations that take the piss,
Conformity with the norm
I'll give it a miss.
No shit Sherlock!
Health and safety, the nanny state
If I want I'll be a bull at a gate,
Can I for once live my life
And seal my own fate....
Shove it Sherlock.

Phil Hall August 2017
Copyright:Philthepoet61.blogspot.com

RESPECT TO ALL

It's time to show respect to all
These words need to be said,
I'll make tea for the next burgler
Who robs me when I'm in bed.
In fact I'll leave the keys under the mat
So he doesn't get himself hurt,
He might fall out of the window
So I'd dust off all the dirt.
We could let out all the murderers
Paedophiles and the terrorist,
Maybe even let off the car driver
Who kills when he is pissed.
Extend the hand of friendship
To a dictator who butcher's his own folk,
As he stock piles weapons to murder us
We should see it as a joke.
Give thanks and praise to all smokers
Especially during their pregnancy,
To the morbidly obese needing surgery
They've a right, just like you and me.
Let's hear it for the tax dodgers
And the fraudsters not insuring their cars,
To the lazy, talentless unemployable ones
Who just dream of being a star.
Respect to the girls who sleep with anyone
Who may be a film or football star,
Then sell their sordid story in the news
What delightful creatures they all are.
I love all the politicians and civil servants
Who feather their own nest,
Especially the ones who patronize us
I like them ones the best.
I'll hug a suicide bomber
And if he explodes.... who cares?
His obviously unknowing family
Will still get the benefits and welfare.
I'll worship with all the different faiths
And embrace their unique traits,
beheadings and genital mutilation
I'm sure I can relate.
From the priests with disturbing tendencies
To those who perform unnatural acts,
It's not worth the hassle complaining
Due to massaging of the facts.
So, I'll look around in contemplation
With the madness being unfurled,
Keep shtum when crap disturbs me
As we have to conform to a PC world.

Phil Hall September 2017
Copyright: Philthepoet61.blogspot.com
Picture: Phil Hall (Respect) Crapart 2017

TINPOT

Tinpot dictators and such nutjobs
They pop up occasionally,
Only to briefly cause a nuisance
Before being squashed finally.
Like the archetypal Bond villain
All boiler suit and oddly cut hair,
We've Kim Jung Un and his warheads
Firing them with a devil may care.
Maybe this tinpot is angry
As the West don't take him seriously,
Because his first name is a bit girly
And his chubby face resembles a piggy.
Most likely he's got a very small penis
And his first girlfriend had told him so,
But, to now threaten the world's a bit much
Just because he's got not much below.
His henchmen in their starched uniforms
All laugh nervously at his terrible jokes,
Though the rest of the world isn't laughing
As the fires of war he stokes.
He's full of rhetoric and bombast
His propaganda we've all heard before,
Many a tyrant has spouted such crap
Before being shown life's exit door.
To become an infamous, despotic tinpot
Be a bit more villainous and have style,
Because at the moment you just look like a bit of a twat
And your teenage petulance sticks out a mile.
So Kim, please go and tidy your room
Also finish your mathematics homework,
Stop annoying your betters with tantrums
And behaving like a childish berk.

Phil Hall
September 2017
Copyright:Philthepoet61.blogspot.com
Drawing: Phil Hall (Tinpot) Crap art 2017.