A PROPER MAN
Can he wear hydrating creams and a fake tan?
Listen to Olly Murs instead of Wu Tang Clan?
What kind of man would drive a Renault Megane?
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Does he eat steak, or prawn flavoured noodles?
Walk through the park with a pink prancing poodle?
Does he hold his lady’s hand and even canoodle?
Can he learn from experience, or does he need moodle?
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Would he buy his lady flowers, is that wrong?
Would he think it effeminate and not very strong?
Would he work whilst humming a Kylie song?
On the beach would he don Speedo’s or tie dyed sarong?
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All the above can be done by a proper man,
Maybe not listen to Olly Murs or drive the girly Megane.
Or, spend more time in the bathroom than your woman,
Exfoliating and creaming to look like Peter Pan.
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Hair done in the flat top style and not by Tony and Guy,
Where you’d look like Justin Bieber or the spotty one in McFly.
If my hair looked like that I’d truly want to die,
Keep your fancy canapés; I’d rather a meat and potato pie.
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Now there’s ‘Meterosexual’, another ridiculous, invented word,
‘A man who takes pride in his appearance’, how bloody absurd.
All this preening and posturing, somebody should have a word,
A proper man doesn’t need all that, to stand out from the herd.
Phil Hall November 2012
This piece attempts to differing trends and fashions of the day. The author despairs at the recent effeminate way men are portrayed in adverts etc in the media.
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