PORN STAR

Do you remember the seventies?
Can you look back that far?
When skinny men with moustache's
Were the ubiquitous porn star.
With terrible, inane dialogue
And music bordering on tripe,
They'd turn up at a woman's house
With the intention of fixing a pipe.
Of course the housewife was busty
And her garments were soon shed,
As the plumber got his tool out
She dragged him off to bed.
The sex resembled a car crash
Lots of groans and oohs and aahs,
As the sweaty, wrestling combatants
Were joined by two more 'stars.'
At this point in adult cinemas
Right hand frantically  employed,
Dirty old men in raincoats
Soon became overjoyed.
Nowadays they're much slicker
With film titles not so banal,
Like "Shaving Ryans Privates"
And the mindboggling "Charlie's Anal".
The stars have exotic names also
Like Ben Dover and Cindy Suck,
And the acting's still really bad
But, they're only supposed to f***.
The perks and money are good
This growth industry doesn't slack,
You can earn a fortune in cash
Just laying on your back.
Though there are specialties
A couple of them spring to mind,
Like dwarf throwing and golden rain
Even stranger ones are easy to find.
The seventies and its cheesy films
Are the ones I remember best,
Especially 'Chesty Morgan'
And her enormous droopy chest.
Phil Hall  March 2014