THROUGH THE LYING GLASS

HUGH
Hi.
My name is Hugh
I'm six feet two
And eyes of blue,
I hope you don't mind
But You were easy to find
We seem to be of a kind.
I drive a big sports car
And I was a football star,
Now I own an upmarket bar.
I've just turned forty,
I like that you're naughty
And your picture looks really sporty.
EVE
Wow.
I'm sure we're a great match
I drive a racy little sports hatch,
You'll never find a better catch.
My name is Eve
And would you believe
That looks can deceive?
I'm not really naughty, I'm shy
That picture shows a lot of thigh,
I was on a hen party that's why.
I'm thirty five and like to live
To most good causes I like to give,
I'm a busy woman, an executive.
THE MEET (REALITY)
HUGH
So,
You work in a lap dancing bar
You don't drive a hatch back car,
Am I correct so far?
You're on the minimum wage
Nearer fifty would be your age,
So different from your profile page.
Your names not Eve it's Maggie
Your hairs grey and breasts saggy,
Even your eyelids are baggy.
After all the build up and hype
I'm sorry but you're not my type,
I wish we'd have talked on skype.
MAGGIE
Well
I'm too much of a lady to cuss
And I won't make a scene or a fuss,
Flashy sports car? You got off a bus!
Just turned forty? You're nearer dead,
Blonde? All I can see is grey on your head?
What? I've only just started, there's a lot to be said.
If swilling beer was a sport, i'm sure you were great,
You could never play football carrying all that weight,
How could you manage a bar with your snout in the plate?
You'll find the girl of your dreams on an adult site
Where you can play with yourself all night,
You do that already don't you? You know I'm right.
CONCLUSION
This may just be a bit of fiction
A poem to cause laughter,
But seriously, keep it real
And live happy ever after.
By all means stay in anonymity
A pseudonym or a disguise,
But, if you come from behind a mask
The truth will be your demise.
Phil Hall February 2014