NEIGHBOURS

NEIGHBOURS

My neighbour is a six foot lesbian,

Her husband only eats pork pie,

Their children dress in clowns costumes

And sing out loud to the sky.

The postman, he is a tough man,

He bites my neighbour’s Alsatian dog.

He also wears big, dark sunglasses

Even when there’s a ‘pea souper’ type fog.

The butcher is a vegetarian,

His shop doesn’t sell any meat,

So, if you want a nice Sunday roast,

It’ll have to be carrot or beet.

The window cleaner suffers vertigo,

He never goes up his ladder.

He cries when he only gets half pay,

I’ve never seen anything sadder.

The local policeman is terribly lazy,

His patrol car’s a comfortable bed.

His alarm clock acts as a siren,

And his duvet flashes blue and then red.

I live on a road full of strange people,

There are characters all over the place.

Just be careful if you ever walk down here,

You might get a custard pie in the face.

There isn’t a moral to this story,

There is no need to say anymore.

But, don’t be too hasty to move house,

You might end up with a ‘nutter’ next door.

Phil Hall  April 2013